Quieting the Storm - COVID
/How to calm your nerves from worries about the pandemic
When I originally wrote this article, it was focused on public speaking, which is the number one fear for many people. Standing in front of a group of people and having them stare at you while you try to put together a coherent sentence is terrifying for most.
But in a sudden shift of fate, we are all facing a constant barrage of potential anxiety with the news about COVID-19, the real and potential threats, and the uncertainties about how this will play out for both ourselves and our communities. These exercises were designed to help whatever the source of intense anxiety might be: a court date, a date, an interview, a social event, meeting the parents for the first time.
These are some tried and true techniques from psychology that can assist you in eliminating your fears of the unknown, so that you can focus on what it doable today.
Exercise One
Start by visualizing yourself: you are going out in public after a period of self-imposed isolation. As you go through the thoughts about this journey, ask yourself:
- What are you feeling? (sad, scared, terrified, frozen, etc.)
- Where is the feeling located in your body? (chest, heart, neck, legs, etc.)
Focus on the feelings and the picture of you being out there.
What are the negative beliefs that come to mind? (Is it, “I am vulnerable, I am not safe, I’m going to die or even I am stupid. I am a failure. I am not good enough,” etc.?)
Once you have isolated that feeling in your body, combined with the picture of you being back out in the world, and holding the negative belief, float back in time and let your unconscious take you to the first time you can remember having this feeling.
This is not a thinking exercise. Pay attention to the feeling.
Let your unconscious mind show you the origins of this belief. A picture, a memory, something will appear, do not force it or try too hard, just let it come to you.
Once you have a memory, ask:
How old do you feel? (3, 6, 14, 32, etc.) The earliest time you felt this feeling is the key.
What was happening at that time in your life?
Once you locate the origin memory and identify the age you were, make contact with that younger part.
Then say to that younger part of you:
“I have come back in time to help you. I am so sorry this happened to you. I want you to know that you are not going to leave the house with me. You can take a nap, play, or come home with me, but your work is done. You did a great job keeping us safe, and I can take care of this now.”
Tuck the child in for a nap, send them out to play, or bring them back to your place and tell them you can handle this, they can rest.
Once the younger self is secure, let the competent adult part of yourself plan your next steps. Then go out and do what you need to do.
If you are unable to get the younger part to relax and focus on other things, you may need to see a therapist who can assist you in resolving the experience that came to mind, so that it does not interfere with your life any longer.
Exercise Two
Take a few minutes and ponder where and when are you the most adult, most competent in your life? Where and when are you the oldest, most productive, and in charge of your life? Just make sure it is the most adult and not an inflated child part.
When at work
Having sex
Cooking
Parenting
Volunteering, etc.
Now, feel that part of you. Feel the confidence.
Feel your body. How do you hold yourself: your shoulders, head?
Where in your body do you feel the self-confidence?
Now, visualize that person giving the speech. Practice with that person speaking.
Before the actual talk, go through the visualization of that person showing up in the room, planning what needs to be done, and going out into the world. Then do it.
Exercise Three
Make a list of the five peak moments in your life: not just events, but the moments.
For instance, the moment when you received your degree. The moment when you got married. The moment when you passed a test, etc.
Write those five moments down.
Now, pick two of them. Create a video of the moment in your head that takes you back to that feeling. Remember the feeling in your body. Remember how all of your body and being felt.
Pick a word or concise phrase to represent that moment and that feeling.
For example:
Secure
Treasured
Triumph
Conquest
Ecstasy
Esteemed
Sunset
Whatever word or words that represent it. It is often helpful that it is not a common word, so that when you say it, that it feels special.
Then practice for several times a day for several days, by bringing up that moment, and your cue word to associate the word with the moment.
This is your cue for you to be in bliss, full of joy, and confident. This is a wonderful place from which to speak your truth.
Be sure to use this exercise it in your final steps for going back out into the world and have it ready just before you start.
(You may not be ready to go outside yet. Maybe it’s just difficult to focus and get a routine going at home while you have to stay inside. Maybe the anxiety is distracting you from the simplest tasks.)
Exercise Four
Think about going back outside once the shelter in place is lifted. Assuming that you have some nervousness about it, from a little to a lot, own it. It is yours.
Focus on how your anxiety shows up: in your thoughts, your body, and your being.
Then visualize a container. Make it as big or small as you like. The container should have an opening and is sealable.
The next step is to visualize draining every bit of that anxiety, nervousness, self-doubt, etc. into that container. Keep going until all of it has gone, out of you and into the container.
Then seal the container. Figure out where you are going to store or put the container.
You are welcome to revisit the container later if you need too. But it is outside of you, and you are calm inside. The more that you practice this, the stronger and more natural the process becomes.
Do this each time before you think about leaving the house. And certainly, just before you actually do it, if you feel anxiety.
Conclusion
Any of these four exercises have the potential to be a game-changer for you in reducing to eliminating your both the general anxiety many of us are having right now, and those working on public speaking anxiety, as these were originally designed. Find the exercise(s) that work best for you and then practice them until they become second nature.
These approaches can be useful in many parts of your life. We all have anxiety and experiences that test our ability to stay present and adult in the moment. These simple but effective tools can assist you and managing those moments on the fly. They are First Aid, available to you anytime that you need them.
